My Dear Friend

I’ve just lost one of my dearest friends, Diny Simmons.

Diny’s death, was somewhat expected, having reached the grand old age of 95 years, she had a remarkable and happy life, and always looked joyously towards the day she would be reunited with her beloved husband Tony, and her family. In this respect, I am happy for her. She was never scared, with her unwavering Catholic faith she passed away knowing where she was going (heaven!) and who she was going to see there!

I’m happy but I am confessedly incredibly selfish too. I want her here, to laugh with, chat with, and share every little bit of news in my life with as I always have done for the past 24 years of my life. And worse still, just like when I lost my grandparents and uncle, my biggest fear is her (and them) being one day forgotten.

The loss of my Granny in 2018 led me to a bad mental health episode. I saw every day from her death as creating more distance between me and her; and I believed with this my memory of her would erode too. I even built fears in my head that my future grandchildren wouldn’t know her or wouldn’t remember her. I found it impossible to contend with the idea that she would fade into the past. So I felt I should try and live there too. I wrapped myself up with old photos and memories, shutting out the world because it felt too cruel a place to exist in if she wasn’t there.

It was difficult and there wasn’t a set roadmap out of the grief nest that I had woven myself; I thought to protect me; but it only stopped me from moving forward. I found a way out in doing the things we enjoyed together and also learning to enjoy my life again. The past is stationary, the present isn’t and I needed to construct a great one for myself. I know in everything I work for, everything I enjoy and more importantly everything I achieve; Granny would be  happy for me.

My darling friend Diny was 95 but giggled and enjoyed life like a fifteen year old. We would spend long afternoons gossiping and laughing about anything you could think of in her beautiful garden which she was so proud of.  No age gap was ever felt. Throughout my life, she has been immensely loving and supportive; celebrating me, remarkably just for being me. She loved me.

I am always reminded of a Maya Angelou quote;

‘I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Diny made me feel like the cleverest, most brilliant person on the planet; and I hope never to forget that feeling!

I’ve learnt that your impact on the world isn’t about the longevity of your memory. For most of us our lives and actions will not be remembered in 100 years’ time. However, I believe we impact the world and people we knew in our lifetime. It isn’t about whether those actions will become legendary and carried forth into history, it is about the number of lives you are able to touch and effect while journeying through your own (and woah did Diny touch lives lol). If we have a positive effect on the lives around us; we make our world a much better place.

I know that I can go forward in my life with Diny’s voice in my head; giving me advice and laughing at the things we always laughed at, and I can be at peace knowing she is enjoying the happiest of reunions! And I will never stop sharing the positivity towards life that she had; I think that will be her most lasting legacy… that and her gleeful laugh…

(The picture is an one of Diny's African Violets that she gave me she was a very proud plant owner!)